Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.

Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what he had just witnessed.

Again before the order was given Al yelled out, "Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, was placed against the wall. He was thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out something about a disaster and hop over the wall." He confidently refused the blindfold as the firing squad was reassembled. As the rifles were raised in his direction he grinned from ear to ear and yelled, "Fire!"

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying,
and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where
the road was leading them....
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of
the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill it was broken by
a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it he
saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like Mother of Pearl, and the
street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man
at a desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me,
where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right
up." The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler
asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to
a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been
closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there".
The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate.
"Come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and
sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave
some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the
man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
This is Heaven," the man answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said
that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
That's Hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they
screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind."